she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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