would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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