his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
