I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
