Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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