i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
