Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
