So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
