Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
