don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
