I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
