you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
