so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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