Who wears a wallet chain?!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
