dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
