i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
