Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
