I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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