I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
