Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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