If i come over, it means nothing
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
