WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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