he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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