Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
