Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
