The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
