You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
