Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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