I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you never un-have a 4some
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
