Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize