So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm jealous of your bromance
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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