I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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