He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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