If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
