Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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