In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sober January is a disaster.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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