My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
