I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
