there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize