I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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