I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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