whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just want nice things and good sex
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
