Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize