Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
