Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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