we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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