there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
