Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
