dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
