have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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