we're blogging at a bar
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
