I need to stop coming to work sober
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
