Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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