The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
