i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
