I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
