Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just googled if crying burns calories
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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