I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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