I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
