you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
