Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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