If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
