had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
