Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
