I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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