Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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