mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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