Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
