How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
