I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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