I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
