so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
