well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
