last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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